You Can’t Control Your Horse – But You Can Influence

You Can’t Control Your Horse – But You Can Influence

You Can’t Control Your Horse – But You Can Influence

Confidence, Mindset, Wellbeing

You pick up trot and feel your horse getting a little quick. You can feel a speed wobble coming! So you shorten the reins, maybe squeeze a tad more, hold a little, fix a little, manage a little more… And before you know it, you’re trying to control every second of the ride. Sound familiar? If so, you’re not alone! And, as you probaly know, it’s usually a good feeling to help someone…

As riders, the temptation is very real to be consistent when helping your horse. But what if all of your help is actually hindering your horse’s training and progress?

And what would happen if you began to take a step back and see your ‘help’ for what it really is – a need for absolute control!  But, you see, control – when it comes to horses in training and being ridden – is a pipe dream! It is not possible because your horse has a mind of its own, with thoughts that produce emotions and feelings of its own. So, how about we begin calling out this need for absolute control in a way that will actually help you and your horse…

Instead of micro-managing every little nuance, what if you trusted your horse enough to begin allowing them to take responsibility for their role in your work together? 

In this episode, I want to help you begin to identify where you may be trying too hard to control. And I will give you some concrete starting points to begin relinquishing the idea of ‘control’, and strengthening your ability to positively influence. Let’s dive in…

Why Do We Control?

So before we go any further, let’s chat a little about control and what it can mean for you and your horse. Control can look different depending on where the desire for it is coming from. If you are very fearful, how you will try to ‘control’ your horse will look vastly different to if you are fiercely competitive and want everything ‘perfect’.

But the key point I want to make here is that we rarely ever actually realise that control is our desired outcome… So often we tell ourselves a different story that sounds better to ourselves and others. 

I have to support him when he’s training to help keep him going forward. Or I need to protect him from hurting himself or another horse! He struggles to maintain in the canter, so I have to help him. All of these can be true – but are they really? Or is it an absolute need and desire to ‘control’ more about keeping your own brain and mind feeling regulated?! And that is often the key point…

Control is sometimes more about helping us to feel better in the short term than it is about helping our horses to develop, strengthen, and grow in the longer term – and can completely stop this from happening!

What Don’t You Trust?

A few years ago now, I listened to an audiobook that has nothing at all to do with horses, but led me to a big ‘aha’ moment. In the book, Untamed by Glennon Doyle, what really struck me was this one quote:-

We Only Control What We Don’t Trust – Glennon Doyle (Untamed)

And I thought – YES! That is exactly it. From years and years of working with riders, it is the lack of trust that seems to lead to this endless desire to control. Some riders don’t trust themselves. They have little to no confidence or faith in their own abilities, and so never really leave the safety of their comfort zone. Other riders don’t trust their horse. And this can come from both a fear (my horse might throw me off) mindset, or a training (my horse can’t do this, so I’ll help him) mindset.

So, next time you feel the need to control something when working with your horse, instead ask yourself, “What am I not trusting right now?”.

        • Do I not trust my horse to stay balanced?
        • Do I not trust my aids to be clear or coordinated enough?
        • Do I not trust myself to handle it if things go sideways?
        • Do I not trust the process enough to allow for the ‘messy middle’ while learning happens?

I think one of the biggest breakthroughs you can have in your training and riding is to begin naming what you’re not trusting – and then digging deeper into ‘why’ that is so…

What Can You Control?

Now, I am not saying that you simply leave it all up to chance and hack on. We’re talking about working with animals who often outweigh us 10 to 1! But, if you can’t control your horse, what can you control? The answer is you. You are the only thing that you can have any hope of controlling. And, for many riders, that can seem like an impossible task!

Your thoughts, your emotions, and your actions. They are all, potentially, within the realm of your control – but as riders, we also know that this can be easier said than done! 

This is why I really do believe that checking yourself at the gate is so important for riders. Before you ever greet your horse, I highly suggest having a quiet moment with yourself just to see how things are. A little personal ‘check in’. And then, from there, some intentional grounding and self-awareness work. I am not suggesting long rituals or meditations. Just a few seconds to yourself so that you can see how you’re about to show up. The more you practice this, the quicker and easier it will become.

And when you then approach your horse from this more grounded, self-aware place, the chances are that you will actually have more success in controlling the things you can:-

        • your preparation
        • your awareness
        • your intention
        • your timing
        • your emotional state
        • your body
        • your response

Working Towards Influence…

So, let’s flip this concept of ‘control’ for a moment. What if, instead of constantly trying to micro-manage every little movement and every single second, you began looking for ways to have a more positive influence? What if you swapped the need to control with a desire to guide or shape the outcome to a more positive one? Without you having to do all of the work.

Deciding to relinquish the need to ‘control’ and rather committing to being a positive influence requires a certain level of trust. Trust that those you want to influence have the right foundation in place so that they decide to follow your lead. 

It’s a bit like deciding that you’re happy with free will – and then meeting your horse at that place. Now, we can talk all day about ‘the right foundation’. I do think that so much of this comes from the rider or whoever has been working with the horse. What has been ‘allowed’ (or not), and what is being ‘mirrored’. And, it is when we commit to becoming a more positive influence, I believe, we can then begin to really build and strengthen our horses – physically, mentally, and emotionally.

Control and the Lunge

Lunging is such an interesting place to explore this! Even to this day, I can remember how it felt to want to control everything when lunging my horses. If they cantered a little too enthusiastically, my desire to ‘control’ would kick in – and I would 100% react instead of respond. I’ll be the first to put my hand up and tell you that it was not pretty! And, sure, in the moment I would be able to ‘bring’ my horse back to trot (the place where I felt good). But, let’s be honest here, this in no way helped my horses and their training!

To this day, when I’m lunging, and my horse becomes a little too enthusiastic, I have to remind myself that this is okay – and to trust my horse and myself that things will be okay.

Once I relax mentally and then physically, I can then guide my horse back to a more balanced way of working. Not by forcing or ‘controlling’, but by becoming self-aware, and then using my presence to gently influence my horse to join me there.  I do feel that this is a self-trust. And I also believe that riders need to develop this before they can then begin guiding their horse to a similar place.

Being a Positive Influence

From here, you can then begin to help your horse to do the same. That even on the days when things go sideways, or he loses the run of himself, he can get himself back to balance again. And each time with less and less guidance from you. Helicopter riding and training do not work in the long term. In fact, I am 100% willing to bet that if you are practising this, you will hit a plateau and remain stuck there.

With lunging, you can begin where you are now – probably more trying to control things. But as your self-awareness grows, so too will your influence. The obvious aids become more subtle – and your horse begins to take more responsibility for himself. 

That is where the magic lies, and that is where your horse can begin letting go of control and developing the trust that is necessary. Trust in yourself, and trust in your horse. And vice versa. As the trust and confidence grow, so too will the levels of ‘self-control’ or ‘self-carriage’ – one of the things we are always looking to grow when riding and training.

Happy Riding
Lorna

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