Have you been allowing your goal of ‘doing things right’ to suck the joy and fun out of horse riding for you? Maybe you’ve been wanting to get back into riding after a long break, but you stop yourself because things are not 100% perfect. There’s a time and a place for perfection. Every single moment that you’re interacting with your horse is NOT that time!
Today, I want to encourage you to let go of perfection. Release the pressure you’re putting on yourself and your horse for everything to be amazing. And just be present and enjoy the moment – warts and all!
Have you ever watched children playing and noticed how much pure fun they usually have? They are not worried about ‘playing the correct way’ or ‘doing it the right way’. They are simply there, at the moment, enjoying it as it all unfolds before them.
Here’s how to begin approaching your riding and interactions with your horse the same way…
Perfection Leaves Little Room for Fun!
Years ago, I worked at a yard exercising horses. One of those horses was, in my opinion, really special. I absolutely adored working with him and riding him. After about a year, that same horse came up for sale. I was delighted and immediately made a plan and bought him. And then everything changed…
Within a week I was falling off more than staying on! Things that were simple before felt impossible. Until I gave up! I admitted defeat, made the decision to sell him, and just stopped trying. And like magic – things were amazing again!
You can work on improving yourself – AND have fun while doing it. So can your horse. If frustration, disappointment, or even avoidance make up a big part of your riding – you need to learn to release perfection.
Back then, I had been trying too hard with my new horse. I had placed so much emphasis on making everything perfect and right, that it was actually ruining everything! Now, I’m not telling you this to say ‘give up’, but to show you how perfection can really and truly ruin so much in your riding.
The Rider You ‘Used to Be’
Another way this shows up for many riders who have been at this for a while is comparisonitis. These riders are comparing their current self with the version of themselves that used to ride 20 or 30 years ago. You’re not that person now. And this applies even if ‘that person’ was you only 3 months ago.
You have to understand that the level of progress you make now is what’s possible for the rider you are now. Does this mean you must accept this as the be-all end-all going forward? No – you can definitely improve. But that will take a strategic approach, consistency, and time.
You can only be as good as you are right now. This version of you. And if you want to be better, pinpoint things you can do to begin improving – and remember to give this version of you, right now, grace in the moment.
What Do You Enjoy?
So there’s the comparison between past you and present you. And then there’s the trap of comparing yourself to others. Usually strangers. Who are willing to post their ‘highlights’ on social media for the world to see. Watching other riders, if you do it long enough, will almost always leave you feeling ‘less than’. Trying to reach that perceived standard of ‘perfection’.
Keep in mind that every rider has their own journey. And it’s all of your experiences in life that makes up your riding style (not just equestrian experiences). This goes for other riders as well. So there is no way to compare.
So rather than trying to squeeze yourself into a style (think of it like an outfit) that belongs to someone else, find your own. What do you enjoy? Yes, you can try on different things that you see others doing or using. And if you like them, you will then blend that specific element into the rest of your style. The key here is to enjoy it all. Like what YOU do and are.
And rather than it all being ‘perfect’, start looking for little things that feel good. Small pieces of the ride or interaction that you’re proud of. And focus on repeating those more often when you’re working with your horse
What Is Success for You?
Recently I was working with a rider online and I could see that frustration was creeping into her work with her horse. She was definitely aiming for some form of perfection. This was a horse she had recently purchased from someone she knew. After the lesson (our virtual private lesson – more information on that HERE), we got more into the nitty gritty of what was going on.
It seems that she was trying to ride to ‘be like’ the horse’s previous owner. This owner was more experienced, about 6 inches taller, rode 6/7 days a week, and had a full-time trainer… It was like chalk and cheese! And there was no way that my rider was going to ‘win’ using the points she was comparing herself to! The perfection she was aiming for was just not realistic for her.
So we worked on figuring out what a great ride would look like for her – at this exact point in her training and riding journey with this exact horse. We bantered around a few different versions until she eventually identified something that she both enjoyed and felt excited about doing.
Now, when she rides, she first spends time visualizing what’s possible for her at the place she is right now in her riding. And she works towards that in her ride. I can see both she and her horse enjoy themselves a lot more with this approach!
Enjoyment v’s Perfection
Another way to enjoy more about your riding is to become aware of the marker or measurement you’re using when working with your horse. Unfortunately, as adults, we can train ourselves to judge how ‘good’ something is by how much we achieve by doing the thing. And, in riding, this often revolves around competitions.
At the beginning I mentioned how children love playing because they love playing. There’s no ‘winning’ or ‘result’. They are simply enjoying the moment. It is absolutely okay to ride because you love riding.
Yes, you can work on improving your relationship with your horse, but this should be because you want to develop the bond or partnership more. Not because you think you ‘should’. Or to win some competition (official or in your head).
If you have been struggling with perfection in your riding, I challenge you to have at least one ‘pressure-free ride’ each week. The goal is simply to enjoy being with your horse and to remain present throughout the session.
Enjoyment; How Did ‘WE’ Feel Today?
As you move through this week with your horse, try to notice where you are being a little hard and rigid with yourself or your horse. When you notice excessive tension creeping in; stop what you’re doing. Notice how it feels in your body and then try to work back and find the thought that triggered it.
Once you’ve discovered this thought (which is probably on repeat a lot in your head), challenge yourself to come up with something different to think…
“Did I do that as well as Barbara does when she rides?” can become “How did that feel for me?”. Or if you find yourself thinking “Why can’t I do this now – I could do this 7 years ago!”, stop and turn it into “That’s interesting; I wonder how I can approach this differently?”. Or even “Do I have to do this at all?”…
Spend 30 days prioritizing developing your bond or partnership with your horse over achieving perfection in what you’re doing. You can still work on the thing – but you’re approaching it through a different filter.
5 Prompts for Your Riding Journal
If this is something you find yourself doing over and over again; use any of these 5 prompts and begin working on enjoying your rides and your time more with your horse.
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- “What unrealistic expectations am I placing on myself as a rider, and how can I adjust them?”
- “If I took away all expectations and pressure, what would my ideal ride feel like?”
- “What are three ways I can measure success in my riding that don’t involve performance or outcomes?”
- “What would a joyful, pressure-free ride look like for me?”
- “What fears or worries come up when I think about my riding, and how can I reframe them into something more positive?”
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Happy Riding
Lorna
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- 50+ Inspiring Ideas to do with your horse in 15 Minutes or Less CLICK HERE
- Relaxation; Building It Before You Get in the Saddle
- Out of Planning and Into Action
- Building Confidence from the Ground Up
- Building a Connection with Your Horse
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Online Training to Help Your Riding
Connect with Lorna online:-
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- Connect in the Daily Strides Podcast Online Community https://www.facebook.com/groups/dailystridespodcast
- Connect in the Virtual Stable Lounge Private Group https://www.facebook.com/groups/1499737810323191
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